We can only get so far it seems, so far in the "getting along" spectrum, until all of a sudden, out of no where, we hit a wall. We're left free falling into hurt & disbelief yet again, into hopeless despair. Falling, falling, unsure when & where we will land - with the feeling sometimes of, "if" we land at all.
What's our hold up? I think it's all tied to sex. And I think, there's way more to sex, than meets the eye - and our world.
Sex is supposed to be mutual, and both partners have an equal responsibility to one another to freely give of themselves to the other whenever the other so desires (See I Corinthians 7:3-5 here). In this way, by mutual consent, each is deferring to the other, and it's a beautiful, unselfish picture of Godly love.
Instead of following God's plan for sex, we've cheapened it, we've misused it, we've degraded it and ourselves, to the point of disregarding sex and it's power in our relationship - and for that, we have suffered indeed.
The brick wall that we've created doesn't move - and since no one is willing to work to tear it down, it only gets reinforced after each failed attempt to uncover intimacy in its' truest form.
So, what exactly is intimacy, and what does it look like in marriage? To begin with, let's agree that intimacy is something that is developed over time, not something that instantaneously happens once you marry. To be intimate is to be deeply connected to the situation, person or place. It is of a very personal nature, and is tends to be more private.
In relationships, intimacy begins taking shape on the first date, long before marriage is ever a possibility, and once it is determined the relationship contains substance, continues to grow & mature - if it is tended to well. Note the caveat, if it is tended to well, not a guarantee that it will continue to grow. It takes work, it takes serious effort, and determination - all of which tends to be lacking in our world today - and much closer to home, our marriage.
Intimacy - it could be a second glance while making dinner, a brush on the check as you pass by, an acknowledgment of the hard work done around the house - or a "code" word that makes you both giggle, with a knowing of what comes next.
So easy to write these things, yet so incredibly difficult to do them - not just once, twice, or even five times, but to do them, continuously.
If we can begin to work on the intimacy factor within our marriage, we'll begin to build a stronger, more secure base {because God is the foundation} which will allow us to add a second floor, then a third floor - and so on. But it begins with intimacy, one glance, a kind word, a sacrificial act, touch, at a time.
And our hope - through all of this darkness is this "...being confident of this, that He {God} who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus..." Philippians 1:6.
If we didn't have this hope, we wouldn't be sharing this post with you, because there wouldn't be a "we" anymore.
So, what exactly is intimacy, and what does it look like in marriage? To begin with, let's agree that intimacy is something that is developed over time, not something that instantaneously happens once you marry. To be intimate is to be deeply connected to the situation, person or place. It is of a very personal nature, and is tends to be more private.
In relationships, intimacy begins taking shape on the first date, long before marriage is ever a possibility, and once it is determined the relationship contains substance, continues to grow & mature - if it is tended to well. Note the caveat, if it is tended to well, not a guarantee that it will continue to grow. It takes work, it takes serious effort, and determination - all of which tends to be lacking in our world today - and much closer to home, our marriage.
Intimacy - it could be a second glance while making dinner, a brush on the check as you pass by, an acknowledgment of the hard work done around the house - or a "code" word that makes you both giggle, with a knowing of what comes next.
So easy to write these things, yet so incredibly difficult to do them - not just once, twice, or even five times, but to do them, continuously.
If we can begin to work on the intimacy factor within our marriage, we'll begin to build a stronger, more secure base {because God is the foundation} which will allow us to add a second floor, then a third floor - and so on. But it begins with intimacy, one glance, a kind word, a sacrificial act, touch, at a time.
And our hope - through all of this darkness is this "...being confident of this, that He {God} who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus..." Philippians 1:6.
If we didn't have this hope, we wouldn't be sharing this post with you, because there wouldn't be a "we" anymore.
Leah,grateful for your (and Derek's) authenticity and vulnerability. I do think you are correct in that sex (and more broadly, intimacy) is often the "gatekeeper" to the full, deep, rich marriage we long to have.
ReplyDeleteSex and intimacy expose our selfishness, our insecurities, our longings, our fears, our hopes. And, I believe expose how vulnerable and trusting we're willing/able to be in the moment. All the while, striving to grow more trusting, more vulnerable.