Letting the Leader Lead, Part One

Every marriage needs a leader.  Someone who takes ultimate responsibility for both what happens in that marriage, as well as the overall direction of the marriage.  Leaders are appointed by God, who designed and created us, in His own image.  As such, God specifically appointed the man, the husband as the leader in the home.

Far too often however, it seems that women are the real leaders, the ones in charge.  In fact, it's so commonplace today that household knickknacks are sold with slogans like, "If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy," or "Mom rules, just ask dad."  We laugh at it because we know it to be true.  It was true in the home that I grew up in, and there are days that it is true in the home I reside in now - if we don't watch it.

What does it take then, for the man to resume his God appointed role as Leader?  What defines a leader, and what deems one a "successful leader?"

In times of conflict, my husband often says to me, "who's leading who?" or, "Who's in charge around here anyway?"  If no one is following, then he is not, in fact, leading.

Following.  Being a good follower.  Letting the leader lead by having the follower, follow.  Not as easy as it seems.  See, I've not been a good follower, which probably leads to him not being a good leader...and the cycle is relentless, as you can probably imagine.

But what are some practical steps to becoming a good follower in marriage?  How can the wife not be the one calling all of the shots, and instead, acknowledge and honor God's appointed roles within marriage?  One night while trying to work through issues pertaining to this, my husband and I were able to identify three specific actions that if implemented, would help me to become a good follower.

I had to take notes, because it was that important to me, and after reviewing them, I named them:

The SEAL Method.

Today, I want to share with you the first step, the "S."  This one is so very important.  My husband pointed out, if I don't do this one, none of the others even matter!  This identifies the heart issues -  what's really going on inside.

1) S. = Submit to God

God is pretty clear in the roles of marriage found in Ephesians 5:21-33...conveniently titled "Instructions for Christians Households." Check it out here.

First, before God calls wives to submit to their husbands, {and yes, He does call wives to do that}, He points out that submission goes both ways in a marriage relationship, and that it is born out of our reverence for Christ.  To put it another way, submission comes from respect, and biblically, it is ultimately from our respect of Christ.

Philippians 2:5-11 gives a beautiful picture of exactly the kind of submission we should have:

"...In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

Who, being in very nature God, 

did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;

rather, he made himself nothing

by taking the very nature of a servant,

being made in human likeness.

And be found in appearance as a man,

he humbled himself

by becoming obedient to death - 

even death on a cross!

Therefore God exalted him to the highest place

and gave him the name that is above every name,

that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,

in heaven an don earth and under the earth,

and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,

to the glory of God the Father..." 

We didn't deserve that {and still don't}.  Yet, God did it anyway...born out of love for us, His creation.

Submitting to one another is just the beginning of our response to that kind of extreme love.  So as wives, not only do we need to submit to our husbands - but, and more importantly, we need to submit to God, in ALL areas of our life.

When I submit myself, my will, wants, desires, etc. to God, then by default, I am submitting to my husband - because it is something that God calls me to do...{and I should note here that there are instances where God says that a woman should not submit to her husband - if he is causing her to sin, or is directly opposing God's directive in her life are some of those instances.}

If I don't submit to God, then it's really impossible for me to truly submit to my husband.  There's this constant power struggle and though my husband is the leader, if I'm not satisfied with the way he's choosing to lead - and I'm not submitting to God...you'd better believe that I'm not submitting to my husband as well.  And we've been there - too many times to count....it's not a pretty picture.

I really want to be a good follower - for God's sake, as well as for my husband's sake.  To do that right, I need to submit to God.