Five years into it and my husband might argue that we're father behind then when we started. What gives?
Did we ever think that we too, would fall captive to the mundane life of marriage? Or that someday we would find ourselves dreading the end of the day because we would have to see each other? Not in a million years.
But we did. And we have. Even though we said we never would.
We went so far as to think that we knew better than all those who went before us, and that our relationship was so grounded that we would never get to that point.
We were wrong.
So here we are, licking our wounds, and reeling in shock of what was once considered "impossible."
Have you ever felt that way? Not only having nothing in your marriage go right, but add to that the pure shock that you're even in that position? Ever found yourself saying, "I never thought that it would happen to me?"
So what do you do about it? What do we (my husband and I) do about it? Settle for this, lose hope of anything better?
Though, there are times when that is precisly what we feel like doing, and maybe we even act on that for a while, we know that, as Christians, we're not called to live based on our feelings, as difficult as that might be.
So what then? What about you? What do you do about it? How o you keep from letting it get the best of you, your spouse & your marriage? Let's begin the conversation...
Leah, just wanted to say how proud I am of you guys & your commitment to one another and to Jesus. Looking forward to the impact you will make in the lives of others and how you and Derek will continue to grow as well. Keep on!!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind words Paul!
DeleteThe hope is to be able to share our story, often in the midst of the story, in order that we might inspire those experiencing similar moments to keep on fighting the good "married" fight, and to always remember that no matter, there is always hope!
(I might just reread this reply often, when I too, momentarily forget just that [insert smily here]! )
First of all, I have to commend you for your honesty and bravery. As someone who has been married for 11 years, I can honestly say that marriage is nothing like I thought it would be. Jim and I have been doing a small group with 2 other couples from our church. We are studying Marriage on the Rock by Jimmy Evans. My favorite piece so far has been learning the law of pursuit. Jim and I realized that we were no longer doing those things to try to "win" the heart of the other. Being with these other couples has been a wonderful experience. These people help keep us accountable, and they also serve as encouragement for us. They want to see our marriage succeed. Also, praying together helps. Jim and I have always prayed, but not intentionally together. It has really made a difference.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for taking precious time to respond, with honesty, encouragement & ideas! You've mentioned this book before, and we will for sure check it out.
DeleteYou're absolutely right about prayer, in fact just tonight, we experienced a God moment, due to praying in the midst of conflict....I might just have to write about it : )
Leah, there will always be lulls and valleys. I can say this with conviction, as Charlie and I have lived it - we've been married over 32 years and there were times we never thought we'd make it. Around our 9th anniversary things were falling apart. Except for the 3 boys we had and the vows we made on God's altar - I'm not sure we'd have toughed it out. But those vows. We didn't just say "I do" to each other......together as one .....we said "yes we do" to God. We had people there that supported and witnessed this exchange. We felt to our souls that we had a commitment to honor. If not to each other , if not to our boys, if not to those witnesses, then to GOD...those vows!
ReplyDeleteAs the kids ( we added a 4th after that 9th year ) grew and we weathered all kinds of changes, we began to see that together with God we were much stronger than trying to go it alone. There were health scares and money woes. There were challenges and victories. Above all, there were those vows - and we knew that together - the 3 of us had this!
God bless you and Derek as you find your way - God knows - He knows - that together the 3 of you have this!
Thank you so much for sharing your story Alice! What a great reminder of the importance of vows, not only to each other, but to God as well. Looking forward to growing together in this journey called marriage : )
DeleteHi Leah: Great to hear your musings about being in an intimate relationship with your husband. You obviously care about him, or you wouldn't be so emotionally connected. I wish I could say it will get easier with time, but it doesn't. It just becomes more important that you are both committed to each other. That you talk about who you are, honestly, and possibly with someone who can help you understand how your behavior affects one another.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking from experience, divorce is the easy way out. Anyone can just say, "enough, already." It takes energy and courage and lots of trust in God's steadfast love to see you through the tough times. But it is so worth the effort--you will change and for the better!
I wish you blessings that only God can give. Keep writing. I'll keep following.
JHD
Hello Jane!
DeleteGreat to see you here, and I so appreciate your feedback and insight!
Thank you so much for taking the time to check out the blog...and for being so open about the reality of divorce.
It's amazing how that word comes up in marriage, when you least expect it, and how quickly you "think" it's a viable option, for whatever reason.
Derek and I are only just beginning, but we know that God has a plan and a purpose for us, though for sure, there have been times when "the easy way out" seems a better solution. But we hold onto the promises of God.
(and sometimes, that's the only thing we're hanging onto!)
May God continue to bless you as well!
Hi Leah, just came across this today and think there are really neat ideas in here and some that I will be doing with Thadd soon...so I say it's not just for newlyweds! :)
ReplyDeletehttp://loveyalyn.blogspot.com/2008/05/fhe-for-newlyweds.html
Knowing that God has a plan for your lives is SO important. If you feel like you can't hold on anymore, just remember that He is enough; and He promised it would be worth it. Continue to be blessed as you have blessed so many others already! Love you all, Stacie